Intro: Weekly Theme 2 - Expectations
- Nov 23, 2025
- 3 min read
Expectations: What is it?
Expectations are when someone believes that something will happen or be the case. Expectations skew our perception and shape how we view the world.
Positive expectations can reduce stress and pain while negative expectations can increase them.
Placebo VS Nocebo Effect
Placebo effect is linked to positive expectations. It is when you gain improvement from a sickness or relieve from discomfort from things that aren’t meant to have any physical effect just because you believed that it would give you positive outcomes.
Ex: When a child is hurt with a scraped knee or a bruise, often a mother’s kiss or a band aid is enough to make them feel better.
Meanwhile, nocebo effect is linked to negative expectations. It is the counterpart to a placebo and is when a person experiences negative side effects because they had the expectation or fear of it occurring.
Ex: When a friend tells you a restaurant food tastes horrible, you might eat there and think the same when the food is actually fine.
Unrealistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations are expectation we set for ourselves or others that are unobtainable.
Common themes in unrealistic expectations include:
Perfectionism
Instant gratification
Control over external factors
Happiness at all times
Meeting societal standards
Conflict-free relationships
Effortless change and growth
Some unrealistic expectations that could be harming you:
“Life should be fair”
“People should agree with me.”
“Things should work out on the first try.”
“Everyone else has it figured out except for me.”
“I should always be productive.”
“I am going to fail.”
“I’ll be happy when…”
“I should have my whole life planned out already.”
“If I struggle or take a break, I’ll fall behind everyone else.”
“My feelings should never inconvenience anyone.”
Constantly focusing on these things is like trying to eat a cloud: you can’t. Oftentimes holding onto unrealistic expectations can be detrimental to one’s mental health; it can cause excessive stress, burnout, and frustration. It can make you feel worthless, unfulfilled, or self-demoralized. You might feel less motivated to try knew things because of a common mindset of: “what’s the point?”
Sometimes it’s better to settle with a down-to-earth version of your expectations, like a cloud of cotton candy. It tastes sweeter anyway.
5 Ways to Handle Unrealistic Expectations of Yourself
Break goals into tiny, do-able steps: Take the steps up the stairs comfortable for you, don’t try to skip some or you’ll fall.
Consistency over perfection: The more important part is that you don’t give up everyday put something into it, even if it’s 1%
Challenge “all-or-nothing” thinking: Just because it isn’t “perfect” doesn’t mean it doesn’t count.
Focus on your progress, not just the end result: Look back and let yourself feel proud of how far you have come.
Get rid of the “should” mindset: Don’t think “I should be more productive”, think “I can be more productive.”
Letter Drop
What are your experiences with expectations? Of yourself? Of others? Feel free to head over to our Letter Drop to write down how you’ve struggled with expectations or something you have done that has made the burden a bit lighter.
If you need inspiration, below are some writing prompts to go off of.
Do you have high expectations of yourself? What do you feel like when you can’t seem to meet them?
Are any of the above unrealistic expectations relevant to you?
References
What Are Unrealistic Expectations and How Are They Impacting Me? (n.d.). Master’s Counselling Calgary. https://www.masterscounselling.com/what-are-unrealistic-expectations-and-how-are-they-impacting-me
Luo, Y., Lohrenz, T., Lumpkin, E. A., P Read Montague, & Kishida, K. T. (2024). The expectations humans have of a pleasurable sensation asymmetrically shape neuronal responses and subjective experiences to hot sauce. PLoS Biology, 22(10), e3002818–e3002818. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pbio.3002818
Tavel, M. E. (2022). Nocebo vs Placebo Effects: Their Clinical Relevance. The American Journal of Medicine, 135(11). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amjmed.2022.06.007
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